Looking back over the past week, I am overwhelmed by the good!
2 different Emergency Rooms, 2 racing ambulances – a laser-eyed Cardiologist that made me feel my precious husband was his brother,
‘3 death defying blocks’ in a man who is not any kind of candidate for a heart attack. “His heart, all…in great condition….but he has survived 3 deadly blocks esp the last six months, and a silent heart attack” ( a painless one???He’s not diabetic!)??? The answers riddle the questions.
Crib outside ICU
2 am, 3am, 4. Fortis hospital – quiet except for a few others like me. Clutching the soft amber blanket given by one of our gang of friends that came by to huddle and pray together; I could not exhale. Some of them (angels!) helped with paper work. Another brought our kids from home. Waiting without knowing what that precise minute is doing to your beloved, is a life changing event. It hauled the sacred in like never before, not pausing to wait for me to catch breath. After everyone left, and it was hitting 5 am, my favorite hour on earth, Time stood like a rearing race horse. If I breathed the earth tip tilted.
“Say something,” I whispered. Deadly still took over and a wordless voice told me my NoelJeff could be taken, or left behind for more earth time; it was His calendar and not dependant on human blocks and cardio skills.
I jumped up alert, the amber blanket folding down at my shoes.
There it was again. A voice not sweet and tender but deeper than the ocean of fear welling up within. “Fear no human situation. Fear the One who made it all.” How on earth was I suddenly feeling so deeply loved/ cared for by my Invisible One? I was also numb, watching everything like from the inside of a storm. Anyone thinking this is self counselling …. bro., you got to taste this to know this.
6am, 6.39..am, unsure of what the clock said, I just sat there. An Attender smiled and hung around asking if I needed anything. He had the firm face of Health care workers, somehow softened around the edges but with the ability to bear you bad news.
The next 24 hours free fell into the blue sky above my scalp, tingling. You don’t want this terrific brew of grief, shock and awe at the tininess of us humans. Dr.R., and his large hands showed us how my husband’s heart looked and what they were about to do in there….
signatures, bills, nods, thumbs up and Doc vanished into an interior where my Soul mate lay between this life and another.
How on earth had he had a heart attack? We were having a normal dinner, it was chilly, he never liked sweaters, but that night he needed one. We checked pulse; covid had brought home some equipment. He smiled, amused, when my daughter said it was low and why don’t we just go over to local Zion hospital? “Ok. I’ll get the keys…” He drove. He is an angel but you never really get to tell him what to do. Except later that night, last week, 12am, rushed into an ambulance that tore down a busy lane, with a nurse holding onto my hand; the very young nurse, two drivers, and I in that crazy siren….
( my lines and paras jumble, am still getting my head back together)
outside Cath Lab, our muslim friend, prayed out loud, his arabic syllables melting in with my daughter and my internal kneeling. A moment we will never forget. He prayed a verse, praising God’s existence. We prayed to a risen Christ. I had this Image of a Cross shaped Stent😊, uh couple of them.
As they wheeled him out he did a 360 degree grin and replied, “I’m feeling fantastic!”
My doc sis bundled me into nearby Ashraya Intl’ hotel; unsure what we ate. She had to leave by 5 am. There it was again: dawn sweeping away shadows and blinking in thru the shutters. Breakfast buffet down stairs alone was a whole new chapter of oxygen. It could’ve been just me, forever. No more morning teas with him, no more random car rides and oh… hiding his stuff for the sheer joy of a prank, no more his warm hands holding me close esp when I sulked….
what can I say. Am staring startled at tender mercy new every morning. We are back home. My husband is in recovery and doing well, stents and all. He has energy like from a decade before????! And I cannot get that Voice out of head, that One deeper than the ocean within.
In today’s Reflections just now, Noel J. wrote this, printed with his absolute permission:
Throughout the Bible we find this phrase, “Do not be afraid”.
God wasn’t trying to scare people!!
He is real. Everything He tried to tell us was about His love for us, He wanted to commune with us, and that He is our God and we are His people!
God wants us to follow Him out of love rather than fear. To overcome crippling fear, we must think more about His love.
What is the message of Christmas?
One song writer put it this way, you may know the song.. “Love came down…”
One of my favourite scriptures from Romans reads,
“We’re able to hold our heads high no matter what happens and know that all is well, for we know how dearly God loves us, and we feel this warm love everywhere within us because God has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love.” Ro.5:5 LB
1.Jn.4:18 says, “Perfect love drives out fear.”
Have a blessed day y’all 😃
I have so much to say; deep peace & love jostle for attention inside. Wishing y’all the same as we watch another year wrap. May our fantastic Invisible One hold you close too.
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