Not even who, but what am I, the boy asked looking at the floor, his eyes flat with nothingness. What had happened here, would stay with him till the end of that day. And when it spilled it was like lava, every word singed our ears. There had been self abuse and total lack of feeling to anyone even himself. He could not trust himself. He believed everything negative ever said against him.
I’d been brought up to a level of humility necessary to be good civilized people, but this beat all civil existence. He would not believe anyone could love him and he stared through my face when I said God loved him. He was not more than 24, and looked old. Old eyes and skin. He’d cut himself, done drugs, done things he felt nothing to reveal. He had died inside. They’d told him he was a waste, a shame. I didnt know how to reach him, but prayed that night.
The next day, he was smiling… it was near dusk and inmates were getting ready to go indoors. Someone had talked him out of his mess. I never knew who it was, but he told me in no uncertain terms that he believed God lives and loved him. I must’ve stared open mouthed at him because he laughed out loud and looked so happy. Only God could have worked that miracle. Twas like he was being held by a super power. I will never forget how that looked. That’s how it looks to be held by a living God. It looked fearless, free and unarguably happy!
And I’m thinking now, what are we, what’ m I, but Beloved of God…
3 thoughts on “What am I?”
Wow, powerful story, you late neighbor on FMF
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I worked with a young woman who had likewise been told her whole life that she was unworthy of love and that her existence was a mistake. Her father routinely told her that she was stupid and ugly. Eventually he committed suicide in front of her after telling her that all the problems in his life were her fault. She was so damaged. But she has a happy ending too. God can work miracles.
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Miracle worker He is. Turning all our dark to Light! Love Him.
And you for being a piece of that Light.